Fear and Volunteering
About once every three days or so, in the middle of almost anything, I'm struck by this terror that the life I have now is surely screeching to an inevitable end. I have a dear husband who gives me the strength to be who I am, who has already lived past the age at which his father died. And a teenage son who is as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside, whose only fault I know is a tendency to leave college brochures on the floor of his room.
I kiss him goodnight, and know this is too good to last.
What does this have to do with giving back? I don't know. I would hate to think that I'm a foxhole volunteer, praying, “Lord, if only You will keep this thing going, I promise to do good.” If everything I am and have belongs to God, then I have nothing to bargain anyway.
Do I give back, rather, because the inevitable will surely come? And then I'll have nothing to give? Is fear a legitimate reason? Or does it matter why, only that I do? What do you think?
Thought provoking. Am I too comfortable, too complacent and too self centered on what I want to do? I am called to do more and have the knowledge and experience to expand and stretch tenfold to help others. Yet it is too easy to say some day and some day never comes. There is a conflict between what is right to do and what we are called to do versus staying with the status quo. I know too many people, including me, whose primary function is to satisfy themselves and stay within safe and easy boundries. I am a teacher and therefore only teach, I am an engineer and only engineer, I go to church on Sunday and therefore I am a good person, I serve as an usher, I have a family to care for, a golf club, a pet, a demanding job, a house that needs work, school work, soccer, the Packers, a TV program, games to play, I have to hunt, paint, garden etc. etc. etc. I just do not have the time. And nothing out of the ordinary gets done or changes. Then who is going to serve and repair a burning and dysfunctional community, State and Country? So far, not us because we hide behind our very convienient masks and roles. And there are many good reasons why we are what we are.
DZ
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I too feel that this is a great reminder. I think we often think about what is not going well, rather than what has gone well. I need to be more thankful, and giving back is one way to express thankfulness.
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